


don't be a hero

by jewishbarba



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 02:42:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15742515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jewishbarba/pseuds/jewishbarba
Summary: Mike is a full-time detective and part-time vigilante, and Sonny is a full-time doctor.





	don't be a hero

“Please, don’t say it.”

Sonny hesitated in the doorway of the room for a split second before shuffling inside and closing the door, “I’m sorry?” His eyes darted around the tiny room for a split second, searching for a sign the man hadn’t come alone, before settling his tired eyes on a pale and disheveled man. “Sir? What don’t you want me to say?”

“I… I wasn’t raped. This wasn’t rape.”

At this, the man looked up and Sonny noticed the tears streaking his face, his shaking and bleeding lip. He sucked in a deep breath, moving to settle on the swivel chair, “okay… you weren’t raped… how do you want me to help you with this… not rape?”

“I don’t know… I just… no one can know.”

It wasn’t unusual for rape victims to deny being raped, and to not want anyone to know, and it especially wasn’t unusual for a male rape victim to be reluctant to admit rape. “Hey, I won’t tell anyone without your permission,” he said with a weak smile, “do you… uh… want to do a kit?”

“Fuck, I don’t know!”

Sonny stiffened at the explosion, his hands curling into fists as an automatic response, “it’s okay to… not know,” he whispered, scooting across the room toward him, “do you want to talk about what happened?” He rested his elbows on the bed beside the patient, staring at him with what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

“No, no, no-” the man shook his head, sliding off the bed, “this was a bad idea… I’m just… I’m going to go home- I’m sorry for wasting your time.”

He shot up from the swivel chair, sending it flying back and causing the man to jump, “sorry - I didn’t - sorry,” he apologized quickly, holding his arms out toward the patient to block him. “Listen, I understand being reluctant to going through with a kit, admitting anything happened to you, but talk to me. About anything. Let’s just talk.”

The man hesitated, his grip on his sweatshirt tightening, “you have no legal reason to keep me.”

“I know. I never said I did,” he replied, “and I won’t try to keep you against your will.” Sonny lowered himself onto the hospital and stared at the man expectantly, “what’s it going to be…” he glanced at the wristband, “Mr. Dodds?”

“It’s Mike,” he muttered, eyes darting between Sonny and the door, before he let out a heavy sigh, “I’m not… I’m not doing a kit.”

Sonny tipped his head to the side, tired eyes searching Mike’s roughed up face. “You don’t have to,” he said with a forced smile, “what’d you eat for breakfast? Lunch? Dinner?”

There was slight hesitation before Mike settled on the bed, “I had a bagel for lunch and leftover spaghetti for dinner.” He ran a hand over his face, letting out a heavy sigh.

 

They conversed for what seemed like hours; he asked questions about Mike’s life, details irrelevant to the rape, and trying to get him to open up. Sonny glanced briefly at his watch, “so… Mike… what led to this emergency room trip?” He watched as Mike’s face scrunched up, his mouth disappearing into a straight line, and his hands curl into fists.

“I… I don’t… my boyfriend… we were watching a movie and he started… you know… and I told him to stop, and he…” Mike trailed off, dropping his head into his hands, and choking out a sob. “I’m not… I’m not… I’m a Dodds, I’m not supposed to be weak. I’m not supposed to let something like this _happen_ to me.”

Sonny hesitated before reaching out toward him, wrapping his arms loosely around Mike’s shoulders, pulling him toward his chest, “breathe.” He ran his hand along Mike’s back in soothing circles, resting his chin on top of Mike’s head, “just breathe.”

“Maybe… maybe I’m just overreacting, maybe it’s… it’s not… maybe it wasn’t rape.” He muttered into Sonny’s chest, “maybe I got it wrong or he didn’t hear me or… or…”

Mike’s body began shaking in his arms and he felt his heart ache in his chest, “I can’t tell you what happened.” He tightened his grip around Mike’s shoulders, “but I do think something happened to you,” he said.

Silence.

He started to say something when he felt something soaking through his shirt, and he realized Mike was crying, “it’s okay.” Sonny wasn’t new to working with rape victims and he had dealt with many victims who had gone through this, but never had he dealt with a male rape victim and had little experience. All he could do was hold this stranger in his arms, letting the tears seep through his shirt and the sobs to quake violently through Mike’s body, and wait for it to seize.

“I didn’t-” he cut off with a loud sob, grabbing a fistful of Sonny’s shirt, “I didn’t want it. I told him to stop and…”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, rubbing soothing circles across Mike’s back and humming a tune under his breath, and Mike’s body stilled for a split second before resuming its uneasy shaking as Mike struggled to suppress his sobs. “It’s okay to cry.”

They sat on the bed like this for several minutes. Sonny whispering encouragements and humming various songs, one hand running up and down Mike’s back while the other ran soothingly through his hair. Mike brokenly explained the events leading up to his hospitalization, breaking down every other minute into tears, and apologizing profusely when he did so.

It was strange.

In his years as a doctor, he had done this exact same thing with multiple patients, but they had all been women. Widowers, rape victims, terminally ill patients. This was the first time he was soothing a male patient and it was strange.

“How are you doing?” Sonny asked, his arms beginning to cramp right as Mike seemed to stop crying. Or, rather, stopped crying noticeably.

The grip on Sonny’s shirt loosened and he watched as Mike shifted in his arms before slowly sitting up, rubbing at his red-rimmed eyes as he did so. “Uh… better… I’m… I’m sorry, I’m not usually like this. Men in my family don’t… we don’t cry.”

“Don’t apologize for crying,” he reassured with a small smile, “crying is healthy.” Sonny let out a heavy sigh, “I don’t mean to push you, I really don’t. I know you’ve been through hell but… I do need to know if you’d like to go through with a kit.” Suggesting it made him feel guilty, because he couldn’t imagine what Mike was going through; no amount of details would allow him to know how Mike felt.

“I don’t know if I was rape. I said no, stop… but we’ve had rough sex before and we’ve had sex without explicit consent, but…” he trailed off, dropping his head to Sonny’s shoulder.

“But?” He prodded, glancing down at Mike. There was something particularly sad about watching a grown man unravel, especially a man who looked as if he was ex-military (and he probably was). “Mr. Dodds? Michael?”

“But… this time was different,” he lifted his head from Sonny’s shoulder, “I… I don’t know,” he shook his head, “I don’t know. I asked him to stop, told him to… begged. I just… maybe he thought…”

Sonny drew in a shaky breath as he watched a fresh wave of tears roll down Mike’s face, “it doesn’t matter what he thought,” he said. “It only matters that you didn’t want it,” he shifted on the bed, dragging his legs onto the bed to sit criss cross, and he lifted Mike’s head to look at him, “and if you didn’t want it then it’s rape.” He offered him a tiny, reassuring smile, “even if you’re a man.”

“I know… I just… I know him. I’ve dated him for four months, he’s law enforcement, he wouldn’t rape anyone,” he shook his head, “he wouldn’t rape me. I just… I don’t know.”

“Listen, he may not have raped you… but if you’re comfortable and willing, I would like to perform a rape kit anyway,” _because you may change your mind_ were left unspoken. “What do you want to do, Mike?”

“Jesus… I… I’ll do the kit… but can you call Lieutenant Benson from Special Victims? Ask her to come here? Alone?”

“Absolutely and… I’m sorry if I… if I overstepped with comforting you.”

“You didn’t. I appreciated it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my tumblr @ jewishbarba


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